Charlie

I wish I had a reason to blog under happier circumstances.

My precious cat, Charlie, died yesterday morning. My dad says it was around 9:30am. At 9:30am I was here at school, showering away my tiredness. This weekend would have been the weekend for me to go home. My dad had off, it would have been easy to have someone pick me up after my afternoon math class on friday. But sadly for me, and anyone else who had planned to go home, all the freshman English classes were scheduled for a "field trip" to a local art museum. It was indeed a bummer. When I woke up on Saturday I was a bit annoyed. I knew I couldn't really sleep in any longer than I already had. It was 9:13am and I wanted to get a few things done before my friend came by to drive myself and some others to the museum.

We were to arrive at the museum at 12:45pm, and my friend was planning to pick us up around 12:30pm. At 12:18pm, my mom called. This was a surprise. She told me she wanted to come and get me, bring me home for the weekend. She said she knew how much I wanted to come home, and that she would be here after I got back from the museum at 2:00pm. I was excited. It was so spontaneous. I like trips planned on a whim. Last minute packing, you've probably forgotten something trips.

The ride home was fine. Nothing unusual from my mom's side. As we approached my home town, my mom told me I should call my dad. I thought my coming home would be a surprise for him. Something nice. I could spend some time at his house. I pictured myself sitting on the floor, in the dark blue jeans that I was wearing(the only pair of pants I brought), they would get covered with cat hair, but I would pet and play with my cat, maybe work on my color theory homework.

But when I called my dad, he sounded different. He sounded distant. Like a ghost. And I knew something wasn't quite right. He had known that I was coming home. He asked me if I was sitting down, which of course I was, I was in the car. And of course, when people ask if you're sitting down, it's never good. Nothing good would cause anyone to want to sit down. Nothing bad could cause anyone to want to stand up. I first thought of my brother, had something happened to him? But I knew if it was something as serious as that, mom would have said. So what was it? I thought of Grandma, which of course was silly, we had had that phone call over a year ago, but this one would be very similar. He told me that he had woken up and made some tea. He had given Charlie a treat, everything seemed fine. He went and sat down in the living room, watching the Tottenham game. Charlie came in, as she had a tendency to do, to check things out, looked at my dad and left. He said not seconds later, he heard this noise, like Maki and Charlie make when they fight, only louder. He got up, and looked. The vet said she had died from an aneurysm. She was nine years old.

I cried hard. Like I did when Grandma died. All I wanted to do at that moment was to pet my Charlie. To feel the softness of the white fur under her chin. I tried to remember the last time I saw her. It was two weeks prior. It had been her birthday. I was so proud of her. I poorly sang to her. I kissed the top of her head, gave her some treats, and I told dad that I thought she was live forever. She was so tough that she could last forever.

She used to do this thing, I taught her to do it. She would raise her paw when she wanted a treat, or pets. Sometimes you could just look at her, and she would raise her paw. And she didn't meow like a normal cat. She actually talked in half meows. Sometimes it sounded like she was telling you off by her tone. But we used to talk to each other. I would mimic her noises and it was like an actual conversation. She was so smart, and so curious. She would knock a pen off the table just because she wanted to play with it. And she was my cat.

I went to my dad's today, for the first time since it happened. And immediately I was bawling, because I knew she wasn't going to be there. She liked to hide sometimes but I knew she wasn't hiding. I had to face the fact that I'll never see her tail whip around the corner again. Or watch her clumsily leap onto the cupboard. I'll never see her raise her paw at me. Or press her head into my hand for more pets. I just stood in my room and cried. I felt empty. Kind of like when we all cried during Toy Story 3. Not the first time, when all the toys embrace death by incineration, but at the end when Andy finds Woody in the box, and finally gives him up. When he leaves for college. The feeling isn't of the growing apart, or the leaving behind, it's the loss. I cried, not because I knew what Andy felt like, because I don't. I've never given away a toy I've been strongly attached to. It's what those toys represented. Childhood. You can never get that back. Not the innocence, or the glow feeling the world had when you're small. When growing up means being artist, even though you have no idea what that means. When everything is easy, and the only thing you could want more than extra play time, would be to learn how to write well. Looking at the living room from my doorway felt like watching Andy wave goodbye to those toys. It will never be the same.

I guess what hurts the most, other than the suddenness of it all, and how completely unfair it is, would be watching Maki. Dad told me how he was looking for her yesterday. Today I watched from the couch as he sad in the kitchen. He sniffed the air, and all around. I knew he was sniffing for her.

So decisions were to be made. She is at the vets, but what did we want to do with her. What did I want to do with her. I didn't want to see her. I want to remember her the way I've described. And as much as I would like to feel her fur one more time, it's not the same. I can't imagine how my dad must feel. He said that after he wrapped her in a towel, he carried her to the car, he said it was like carrying a baby again. So, she will be cremated. We'll have her ashes in a jar I guess, and burry her at the side of the house, maybe next weekend.

I miss her so.

Rest in peace

October 3rd 2001 - October 16th 2010

Ass-backwards

It's been a month since I've written anything, and yeah, I guess one could say a lot has happened. But not much has really happened. At least nothing worth documenting. I was going to attempt to eat what I had concocted for breakfast, but it appears to be boiling-lava-hot, so I thought I'd blog instead.

I was doing my immensely large pile of dishes earlier this morning(it was immense, no exaggeration, I didn't have any bowls left.) and I kept doubting myself in my currant situation. Am I really supposed to be here? I know ones foundation year at an art school is usually the least creative, but I didn't know I would feel less creative. I finished all my art related homework yesterday, and decided to make a collage in the evening. It was fun, but now that I look at it, the pieces are pealing up, and it kinda looks like crap. And although I'm lacking for inspiration in the drawing department, my mind is still coming up with stories.

I'm wondering if I'm doing this all ass-backwards, that maybe I should be pursuing English with some sort of art/illustration minor. But that's not a option here at art school. The problem is, that most of my creativity, art wise, comes from the stories I make up, but what I've learned, from the past, is that when I come up with a story, begin to write it down, and then go and draw the characters, or whatever, it sometimes kills the story for me.

I've just had an epiphany, just now as I shoved oatmeal into my mouth. I was going to talk about the dream I had last night. It was odd, as per usual. The part I mostly remember was when I decided to go back to my high school with some friends to visit our teachers. It was obviously right after college classes were done for the summer, because the high school was still in section. Lydia was there, though I'm not sure why because she didn't go to my high school. But after talking with some kids in the hallway I went straight for the art room, because it was my art teacher who I wanted to see first. I caught her from behind and hugged her, and she seemed not so interested, but wanted to show me the new art room. She was going on about how they had hired some woman to paint it, but she didn't use the right colors, or whatever, but as she was going on about this, it wasn't the bright blue and white that caught my eye first it was that room was full of books. It was like a labyrinth of book shelves and there were students in there but they weren't making art, but putting books on shelves, and organizing. I still saw art on the walls, but the room was mostly books. I felt kind of sad, I mean, the school has a nice library, why turn the art room into one?

I think that means something.

It's been a long time since I've had to write anything creative for school. Junior year I wrote a poem, and that was the first time since junior high. I remember there was a woman, Ms. Brown, who took over my 6th grade class after our other teacher had a heart attack, and she had us make a book of poetry. She told me I had a gift for it. My junior high english teacher was pretty fond of my poetry too. But I've never written a story for a class before. I had been enrolled in the creative writing class my senior year, but dropped it so I could switch my math class to a different period. I regret that. I should have never taken math.

I don't know where I'm going with this, and my tea is getting cold, but I feel kind of trapped. I had prepared myself to dislike my school, even prepared myself to want to transfer right away, but when I got here I loved it so much. Now I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm missing out. I'm paying for classes I don't have interest in, that are of little use to me. My English class is a joke, and my math class will never come in handy because I've learned all of what he is teaching. What if I'm missing opportunities? What if all this time spent painting squares never comes into play because I go and pursue something else.

I know where I want to end up at the end of all this, I just don't know how to get there. I'm sure that's true for everyone, but I hate realizing after so long, that maybe what I wanted, and what I'm after, isn't going to make me happy.

The truth is here.

Another reason I haven't been blogging, other than lack of time I mean, is that I spend more time on Tumblr. Also, my friends and I have started our collab channel.

No big deal

Today was a good day.

Posted a video today.

Some of the good stuff was said in that video.

I make a schedule every evening before I go to bed describing what I need/want to get done the next day. I was ahead of schedule for the first time this morning which was awesome. My 2D design teacher had lots of good things to say about the work I had done.

Still no luck with the bug ordeal. I kind of feel like doing some reading. Like out of a book that doesn't have to do with art 'n' such. I mean, it's interesting and all, but it gets kind of boring.

My shoulder still gets numb. I really think all this sitting and being hunched over is going to ruin me. I know that I'll probably need back surgery at some point in my life since most of my job will require me to be sitting, hunched over.

Finished Companion block.

newly done Cyberman on black paper with white conte crayon, my speciality.

Seriously, I work with that medium all the time.

I'm a pro, but I felt like a poser when everyone was "ooh-ing" and "ahh-ing" over it. Even the teacher. I wanted to tell them it's no big deal, because it isn't. I'm not as great as they think I am.

Math class tomorrow......

blahh.

Digesting

Hello and welcome to another post that is complete shit.

I'm feeling rather stressed right now. It feels like I'm never done with work. Once I finish one thing I never feel accomplished because I know there is still more.

I got a 73% on that still life....

Yeah I don't know what to think about that. The highest grade was a 78%.

Now I have to draw a still life of a bug. A dead one. I have to go out of my way to FIND A DEAD BUG SOMEWHERE!!!

Funny quote from today though would be when he was critiquing one student's piece he said:

"This right here, it's drawn beautifully, but, W-T-F?"

Good times.

Definitely making a video for the channel tomorrow. OFFICIAL! So yeah, that'll happen.

Here are some almost finished works for the PToDW:

Adipose(on cardboard, white spray paint, black prismacolor, shading done in watered down acrylic)

& K9(the body is cut out grays from paint swatches, white bristol paper, and black acrylic)

Companion (black duct tape on bristol paper) it's not done yet, I still have to add gray.

& The Doctors 9,10, & 11(cut-out on black card stock glued on white bristol with prismacolor grayscale). I was going to do all 11 Doctors' silhouettes, but then realized how small they were going to have to be since each square is 3 1/2 x 4 inches.

mmmm, digestive.

Bless your face. Peace off.

homework, neighbor, artists as couples?

I picked doing homework over eating cookie dough and watching A Walk to Remember. What the hell is wrong with me?

Well...I don't really like Mandy Moore anyway. Or sappy movies. I supplemented the cookie dough with chocolate ice cream once I was done with homework.

So the girl next door, the one who was hung over after the first night, saw me for the first time today. Despite her immense popularity, I haven't met her before. But she was behind me has I was coming back from class. This is how it went down:

Gia: Hey, are you the one that lives next to me?

Me(as I punched in my door code): I suppose so, yeah.

Gia: I just haven't seen you at all.

Me: I keep to myself.

Friend of Gia(overly pleasant): IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU!

Moving on.

Can I just say how grossed out I am with these freshman college couples? I'm really grossed out. We've been here for what, 9 days? You see them holding hands, strolling down the sidewalk. They've got their portfolio bags and boxes of oil paints. I've probably said this a million times out loud, but regardless I'm going to say it here: I would never date anyone who goes to my college, or anyone who is an art student. I say this only because 1.) I know how art kids are. They are quite similar to drama kids. We can be extremely moody, and picky, and judgmental(as are people who are not artists, but we are all of these, and worst). We also at times like to be hermits. Example of that being that Gia has never seen me because I spend most of my time either in class, in my room, or in a friend's room. But mostly in my room. The second reason of me not being able to date an art student would be due in part by a cliche. "Opposites attract". I believe this, to an extent. But mostly I believe that two artists, living together, will clash creatively. This may not be true. But in my mind the worst case scenario would be that the two artists would become moody, picky, and judgmental of their work and everything else, at the same time. Personally I feel like it'd be better for me to be with someone who cared about my art, and the arts in general, but perhaps was an accountant. Ya know, found beauty in numbers or something. I think I've always pictured my life being similar to that of Daniel Stone in The Tenth Circle. Of course without the whole bit about my daughter getting raped, my wife pushing a kid off a bridge, and me being from Alaska where I can see Russia from my house. But job-wise and life style-wise, I'd like to be in his shoes. His wife was a Professor, and he was the stay-at-home dad with the art studio at the front of the house. That's the kind of life I want.

Here's the brother and I at the Baltimore zoo:

It was forever ago, but you gotta love his face.

I think he still makes that face every now and then

The hills are alive

I know, I know, I forgot about you last night. But I didn't actually forget about you. I remembered you, only after I had "finished"* watching The Sound of Music with my mother, had gotten into bed, and had shut down my computer. So there.

Also, I have an excuse which is that I had been sitting for over 3 hours working on a still life for my drawing class. I think it came out alright. And after that I just wanted to take my mind off of focusing on anything that involved sitting and using hand-eye coordination.

Mark of the artist.

Finished product. It's a heart-shaped ceramic box..if you can't tell.

I'm back in my dorm now. I had to do some major reorganizing because I brought back a bunch of stuff that I had bought and/or forgotten. Trying to get settled. Put a poster up on my wall. Harry Potter of course. Listening to some muffled conversations and the dryer going from down the hall. I'm pretty tired, but it's only 8:40pm. I think I might watch a movie or something. I would go hang out with some friends a few doors over, but like I said, tired.

Skyped with mom, my belly hurt...but she kind of looked like one of those people who gets interviewed for documentaries, but doesn't want to be recognized.

If only her voice had been deepened.

I also got some posters hung at my mom's new apartment, which is nice. It feels a bit more like my room with a Harry Potter poster above my bed.

This is at my dorm though...

Well I think that's about all I have to say. I really want to watch a movie.

Bless your face. Peace off.

*"Finished": I'm not a huge fan of The Sound of Music, mostly because I find it too long for anyone's liking. So I always stop watching after they get married, because that's where the movie should end. At least, in my mind.

Rambling

Wow, almost forgot about you again. This is really awful.

I don't think blogging every day is for me, although I would love to do it. It's not gonna happen.

My computer's battery is at like, 17%. So yeah, this has got to be quick....

Planning to set up the 3 hour still life tomorrow for my drawing class. I'm not sure what I'm going to draw yet...something interesting.

My shoulder is really messed up. I must have pulled a muscle last week when I was moving stuff to the new apartment. But it's been numb and tingly for a while. I'm getting kinda worried.

I also have tons of bruises on my right leg from moving. I bruise fairly easily and the usually stick around for a few weeks. Right now they're all green/yellow with a bit of purple. It looks like I'm in an abusive relationship.

I've been buying a lot of supplies for my 2D project. Hopefully it turns out nice.

My walls at the new apartment are so bare. I haven't put anything up yet really. I kind of wish I had taken a picture of the walls at the old place because I had a pretty sick set up.

Alright. I'm going to bed.

Me and my TARDIS pillow.

lazy

Hey blogger and welcome to my long weekend.

That's right. I'm on the weekend, and at home.

Bought a ton of art supplies today. Set me back around $117. But whatever.

I actually typed waters instead of whatevers. I have no idea why.

I know I really want a Vlog Brothers t-shirt and I also want a Tobuscus t-shirt.

More money.

I shouldn't get them.

I'm pretty tired.

ugggggghhh. I really suck a blogging.

sleeeeeeep

no picture tonight.

bless your face. Peace off.

The Periodic Table of Doctor Who

So I've had my fair share of homework this week. So far it consists of:

Finding 25 examples of the color red

Research which colors Rembrandt used in his palette, record the names, and show examples

Define the following words with illustrations: hue, tone, tint, shade, value, intensity, opaque, transparent

Trace templates onto canvas paper

Draw a 3 hour still life on 18x24'' paper

Begin sketching a copy of something by either de Vinci or Rembrandt

Read chapters 1 & 4 in Guide to Drawing

Pick two examples of 2D art I appreciate

Define 3 terms out of the list given

Read chapter 1 in Art Fundamentals

Begin making lists and sketches for Periodic Table project

Answer questions about Migrant Mother

Read text about Migrant Mother

I haven't finished all of it, but I'm pretty darn close.

The Periodic Table project is pretty cool. We pick any topic we want(I've picked Doctor Who) and make 25 square grids in a periodic table using only black, white, and shades of gray. The catch is, they all have to be in different media. So you can't for instants use acrylic twice, the second one has to have some other medium used as well to make it different. So acrylic with pen, or marker, whatever. It'll be cool.

I got to take a nap today, which was nice. I even had a dream. That I owned a bunny. I really wish I owned a bunny.

Here's one of the things I did today. We just played with materials in class.

Just playing with the material. Done with ink wash and then drawings in pen.

history, janitors, vlog?

I worry sometimes, about people.

The amount of knowledge they have. What they've been taught, versus what they retain. Things that deal with general knowledge, or history. The history of the country you live in. Like knowing about the Great Depression, and when it took place. Or when the Civil War was. I think there are few excuses to not knowing about such events. I would, most certainly, guarantee that the subjects were taught, numerous times, during High School, or Middle School, or Elementary School. I don't want to seem like an asshole if someone doesn't know about these things, but I just think that there is plenty of room for which to store the facts. Room that is possibly taken up by those facts about parabolas, or synthetic division(although it is quite handy). Not important. Unless you wanna be a math teacher. Or a giant boob. Or both.

To make up for my harshness, I'll just say: I got yelled at my Hispanic janitor today. For walking on a floor that was clearly not wet... I just wanted to do my dishes.

I have nothing against Hispanic people. Or janitors. Just don't yell at me for walking on the floor you just mopped but is now dry. And don't clean the girls bathroom while your buddy is cleaning the only other one within 30 feet.

I had to pee.

I cleaned my room and got my stuff together for tomorrow's class. Probably going to make a video to put on the collab channel. Just to get the ball rolling. I don't know what I'll talk about. Probably about getting the ball rolling.

Here's a picture of an unfinished(and never to be finished) still life I did in drawing class:

It took me like 5 minutes to figure out that hand positioning.

Bless your face. Peace off.

Then

Today is the last BEDA for most of my subscriptions. I'm still going though.

So today, I woke up at 6:00am. Like whoa. SUPER EARLY. No one was in the bathroom. It was rather strange, but cool at the same time. For some reason the water was boiling lava hot, which is weird because the rooms are like freezers. I am aware though of the fact that the water temperature has nothing to do with the AC. Or maybe it does. ANYWAY.

I digress.

So I was tired this morning. First class. Went well. Then I had to get my ID, because I couldn't get it yesterday. Then I ate a sandwich.

Then I went to my next class. Which also went well. Got some homework.

Then I came back to my dorm and attempted to cut and peal peaches that were going soft. It was a bummer, I couldn't do anything to save them so I had to throw them away. *sadface*

Then I thought I would take a nap, but instead I decided not to and called my dad instead to keep me from falling asleep. I figured if I didn't take a nap I would be extra tired tonight, go to bed early, and thus, sleep really well in order to get up at 6:00am again. We'll see how that goes.

Then I did some homework while watching some Family Guy, and Angry Beavers on Netflix. Love Angry Beavers. Then when I was done I decided to watch some Demetri Martin comedy, but I ended up nodding off for like 15 minutes.

Then I made dinner.

Then I did, almost, all of my dishes. There was a line. I didn't want to be a water hog.

Then I did more homework.

Now I'm blogging while watching Toby Turner.

This is how I looked this morning:

EEEAAARRRRLLLLLYYYY

Nice. It was 95 degrees outside and like 50 degrees inside.

I've been changing my clothes every time I get back to my room.

Woolie socks + cotton leggings + sweat pants + tank top + t-shirt + sweat shirt + afghan = warm.

Failed...

Blogger, I forgot about you. It is 12:04 am on the 31st.

I am deeply sorry.

I am a failure.

Please forgive me.

This morning I listened to the girl next door throwing up.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes. I mean today. 8:30am. BRIGHT AND EARLY!!

I can never tell if someone is knock on my door, or her door. Really confusing.

Last night I felt really sick. Apparently it was because I took my multivitamin, but didn't eat or drink enough after. And I literally thought I was going to barf. I was gagging and everything. Not a good way to start. Anyway. I was scared so I propped myself up a bit, and then decided to re-watch all of Alex Day's Reading Twilight videos. I got to like the 2nd one before I started to fall asleep.

Youtube is calming.

I wonder if I should continue BEDA, after August. It can be BEDS.....

yes.

BEDO, BEDN, BEDD, BEDJ, BEDF, BEDM, BEDA, BEDM, BEDJ, BEDJ

I think I should make up for the 8 days at the beginning that I didn't blog.

That would be good.

Here's a picture of me back-lit, washed-out, glasses-glared, messed up hair, with Preston, the owl my mom crotched me.

He either really tired, or "not amused".

Bless your face. Peace off.

College

Hey blogger.

I don't mean to sound like a giant cliche, but: I'm in college now.

As in right now.

Well I'm not exactly in classes right now, but I am moved into my dorm room. It's nice. I like it.

I think I've brought just enough stuff from home to make it comfortable.

Moving in was a bit hectic, and my mom was perpetually sniffling due to allergies, or a cold, we're not sure which. But I'm taking a multivitamin just incase.

After the parents left I tried to settle in. Which I'm still doing. I wonder if I'll sleep okay.

I thought we had a meeting today at 7, but I guess we didn't so I called my dad, and skyped with my mom, and Facebook chatted with Brother. He was nice enough to give me his Netflix log in so now I can watch stuff instantly which is really sweet. Then I message some girl I was Facebook friends with, but did know, but knew went to my school, and she invited me over to her room to play Apples to Apples with a bunch of people. Then I had a residents meeting.

People are yelling.

Quiet time is in 15 minutes.

SHUT UP!!

I'm pretty tired now.

I wore this shirt today because I thought if anyone knew about Doctor Who, they would comment my shirt.

A group of girls came up to me and the one wearing the Neville Longbottom shirt said "OHMYGOD I LOVE YOUR SHIRT!!"

Instant friends. :P

I, somehow, forgot Narnia

There are few parts of my body right now that don't hurt. I don't think I've ever been so ache and stiff in my life.

Carried a few more boxes over to the new apartment. My room is void of pretty much everything except, for some reason, I forgot to take down my Narnia poster off my door.

I know before in a previous blog, I talked about not getting excited about college, and, in fact, not having any real emotions at all. It seems that my lack of emotion have caught up to me, and I've found myself crying numerous times today, and not all for the same reason.

I've found that I'm feeling very much like Esther describes in this video, in which she is overwhelmed by tons of emotions. So, in honor of Esther, and by her advice, I thought I would write here, some of my feelings:

I'm feeling nervous to start college tomorrow.

I'm feeling scared that I'll be in a new place, that I won't make many friends.

I'm feeling scared that I'll suck at the only thing I thought I was good at.

I'm feeling scared that I won't like it there and want to go home.

I'm feeling scared that all my friends are going to enjoy college and that maybe I won't.

I'm feeling annoyed at all of my future classmates for posting about how excited they are.

I'm feeling sad that I'm leaving.

I'm feeling sad that I'll never sleep in this bedroom ever again because my mom's moving.

I'm feeling sad that this is the last time I'll spend in this house.

I'm feeling anger at myself for having so many material possessions, and being so shallow.

I'm feeling anger at the fact that I've had to spend my last few days here packing up everything I own and moving it somewhere else.

I'm feeling anger towards Walmart for charging my mom more for the blank CD's even though the sign said they were on sale.

I'm feeling guilty that I'm leaving my mom.

I'm feeling guilty that I'm leaving my mom with a bunch more stuff to move.

I'm feeling confused.

I find myself laughing one minute and then balling my eyes out the next. And I know that some of these emotions are coming from hormones, which another reason to get pissed. I find watch Toby Turner and Daddy Day Care makes me feel better, but whenever I turn on the radio every song seems to evoke too many sad emotions.

I know I should have more to say, and I probably do, but they sentences aren't forming right.

Heading out around 8:30am tomorrow.

Utterly overwhelmed, but nonetheless:

Bless your face. Peace off.

"Why are we getting slammed at 9:30 at night!?"

That's what the guy at McDonalds said while we were paying for our milkshakes.

Super tired right now, and my feet hurt like crazy even though I soaked them and such.

Moved a bunch of my stuff into the new apartment.

My friend Lydia, from before, came by and helped me move stuff. Our neighbors helped a lot too, which was nice.

Here are some pictures:

Totally moved those boxes and bookcase all by myself, which was awesome. BUT I digress.

This picture was an accident. Nice face right?

Unpacking my Harry Potter books, and all my other books. I truly love reorganizing my bookcases. I organized the one above by genre. Fantasy type fiction on top(Harry Potter, Narnia Chronicles, Tolkien, etc.).Then other novels and young adult fiction(John Green, Libba Bray, Lewis Carroll, Larry Watson, etc.). Next are classics(Shakespeare, Agatha Christy, Jane Austin, etc.). And finally ending with miscellaneous. Blah.

So right now I have a mattress on the floor. Which I really like. Very simple, very freeing. Very downsized.

GOOD NIGHT! I'MA FINISH MY MILKSHAKE!

Runway, braiding, frameless

Right now I'm sitting on the couch with my mom watching Project Runway, and looking up braided hairdos.

Today I was packing up my Harry Potter books when I discovered, between the 4th and the 5th one, seven dollars. And I thought I was done finding money when I pulled the 5th one off the shelf that I found another thirty dollars. So that was awesome.

The other day I bought two poster frames from Walmart, because they were super cheap. I didn't get around to wanting to put posters in them I discovered that not only were there scratches on the glass, but they were too small. So I took them back.

Now I'm poster frameless.

I wish I had thicker hair. But I definitely want to do more braiding.

By the way. Gretchen's a bitch. I hope she goes home, even though I know she won't.

Bless your face. Peace off.

TRANSITION!

My throat hurts. It's not soar, it just hurts.

Today was an emotional day.

When I got on Facebook, the first thing I saw was John Green's status that Esther Earl had passed away. I didn't know Esther, but rather knew of her. I'd seen some of her Youtube videos, seen some of her Tumblr posts, and had voted in her honor for the HP Alliance in the Chase Give Away. Just weird to think she's gone when all internet evidence of her still exists.

My dad and I are watching Back to the Future 3. I don't think I've ever seen the first one, but I have seen most of the second one. I like Michael J. Fox.

I'm pretty tired. I feel like I haven't done any art in a while.

Went to a my friends birthday party tonight, which was fun. Got to hang out with two out of the three friends who I'm doing a collab channel with. The third of which moved into college today.

I think I'm going to go to bed, no picture tonight.

Excited yet??

I get on Facebook and all I see are statuses counting down days till college. Some of my friends have already moved in, or are moving in tomorrow. I feel like I should be more excited than I am. If you were to have asked me a year ago if I were excited for college I would have said yes. But it seems ever since the process, applications, financial aid, scholarships, and everything else, it just seems to have brought the enthusiasm to a low.

I get people, mostly adults, asking me if I'm looking forward to college. I never know what to say, and I know the answer should be yes but usually I just answer with: "Uh, yeah, I suppose so". I'm not not looking forward to it, but I'm also not posting a countdown as my status. I almost feel like I have absolutely no emotion on the subject, as if I've used up all of my energy just to get to this point.

I am in no way taking this opportunity for granted. I worked hard to get myself to this point, and the only reason I can even partially afford college is because I strained my ass to get scholarships. I guess I'm not animated about leaving because I know that this is just the beginning of the momentous work load I'll have. I know for a fact that in-college students have a harder time finding scholarships. When you're a senior in high school people are so willing to give you the money to pay for it. And by "it", they mean the first year, after that you're on your own.

I know I'm not the only one in this boat, and I'm not complaining. I guess it just hasn't hit me yet.

My walls are looking rather blank, even though I haven't taken all of my posters and such off them yet. I think if I were to take all of them off right now I'd have a hard time sleeping without having Harry Potter staring down on me:

Birthday party to go to tomorrow. But still some more packing to do.

Bless your face. Peace off.

Friends

I don't really have much to say tonight. Just been hanging out with one of my best friends.

Here's some pictures of us:

We have a pretty awesome friendship. We've been friends since third grade, but as she would tell you, I didn't like her. She was always at my house because she lived right down the street, and I'd always ask my mom when she would leave. Also, she would track you down on the playground to hug you, whether you wanted a hug or not, she'd find you, and hug you. After third grade though I warmed up to her. She moved away after 6th grade and I think that only made our friendship stronger. We see each other rarely, but it's always a good time.

That's all I have to say.

Goodnight.

Not a blog

Oh, hey blogger. I keep forgetting to write in you, but you keep forgetting to remember me when I sign in. Every time. I sign in, and I hit the 'remember me' box. But you never remember me.

I've been working on my room lately. Ugh. SO much stuff I still need to do. And I don't really I have much to blog about. I just feel 'blah' right now. Kind of a mix of emotions. I may or may not be hanging out with a friend tomorrow. Hopefully she doesn't mind helping me pack.

Here's a picture of all the books I'm bringing with me. As far as I know, I might add more at some point:

Sorry this is so short. Not much of a blog at all.

Downsizing

HOLY CRAP.

I almost forgot to post a blog tonight, so this has to be quick. I guess I was right about the whole 21 days thing, it's not quite a habit yet.

I've been trying really hard to organize my room, but it hasn't gone that well. I did unpack my suitcase, which is good. I can't help but think how hard it's going to be to pack everything up. And by everything, I mean everything. My mom is also moving, to a smaller apartment. They are downsizing us because we are over housed. It's all very overwhelming. Plus I'm trying to decide what to bring to college and what to leave behind. I think maybe I need to go through my things again and really try to downsize my life since it seems that's already happening without my help. Not only that, but there is something really romanic and freeing about not having a lot of stuff, and I'd like to get to that point. As it is I'm probably going to have to get rid of my desk and my chair. I just have far too much stuff. Though I have to admit, it's hard to be without a lot of items when you're an artsy person. I have tons of art supplies, and am probably going to have to buy more, which is a really scary thought. So much money goes into being alive.

Ugh.

But really. I'll do some downsizing. I'd do it now, but mom is asleep and I'm pretty sure I'd wake her up.

Church tomorrow morning, so getting up early.

Also I'm still not done reading this:

And I still need to read another book....lasdjfa;sldkfjaoisdf!

Bless your face. Peace off.

"What the hell"

Hello, and welcome to the Granite state folks.

That's right, I'm back in New Hampshire, and what an interesting journey it was...except I'm not going to talk about it because I don't feel like it.

Anyway.

Have you ever had a 'what the hell..." moment? For example: "What the hell just happened?" or "What the hell is that?". Well I had one of these moments last night while I was drawing. My mom had set up these acorns on a leaf and wanted me to draw them. So I was sketching them when a thought crossed my mind. "What the hell am I doing?"

For some reason I couldn't get the idea out of my mind at how ridiculous it was that I was going to go to school to DRAW. Of all things to go to college for. What the hell am I doing with my life. And for a moment I was truly doubting my abilities to be an artist.

It was just very strange...

Here's me with a fish I made at the crayon factory:

Awesome...goodnight.

Improvise

So last night/this morning was eventful in a not so awesome way. Which is obviously the best way to have an event.

Like I was talking about last night, the dryer was going. Mom went to bed so I was left to babysit the laundry. While it was "drying" the clothes I decided to pass the time with some exercises.

11:40pm- I worked out my arms with some weights. I did some sit ups, and walked on the treadmill for a bit.

12:00am- When the dryer stopped I went and stuck my hand in the dryer, discovered that some jeans were still wet, which is typical. I mean, the jeans are always still wet. So I set the dryer to go on for a little bit longer, and read a bit.

12:30am- Brother came downstairs too see me reading. He was a bit buzzed from having a few scotches, or whiskeys, or what have you. I told him how one of my three books was refunded and the guy was putting the book on the website again, so that I could buy it. But mom told me to wait until the refunded money appeared in my account, which would take about two days. I asked him whether I should just go ahead and buy it again without the money in my account, because I needed the book, and he was selling it the cheapest. He said yes.

12:45am- To my horror, I discovered that the book had already been sold, and that I was going to have to pay another $15 to $20 dollars on a different one. Angry, I went upstairs and got some food while Brother told me "It's alright Samantha."

1:00am- Again to my horror, I went to check the laundry, and it was STILL NOT DRY! I then realized the problem... the dryer was not spinning, only heating up. Everything was still wet and it was too late to wake up mom.

1:15am- I called Brother in and asked him to help me find the problem with the dryer. He, of course, having a hard time taking the matter seriously. After switching the buttons, restarting the dryer, taking out some of the laundry, and offering to use a plunger, he laughed it off and walked away. Leaving me with laundry.

1:30am- I decided that the only means to get the laundry dry was to hang it up on any available surface. There were a few hangers in the bathroom, and after rummaging in the closet I found one more. I hung up the important things, and then started draping the remaining articles. Over the treadmill, on the towel hooks in, over some chairs, a music stand, anywhere.

1:45am- The Cave was now looking more like a small clothing store, I was tired, and the Brother was still buzzed, but considerate enough to move the chairs around, as he said: "Just incase there's a fire or something, so you can get out".

2:00am- Finally cocooned in some blankets on the couched, I reluctantly set my phone to wake me up at 8:08am, as I was worried the laundry might not be dry, even though Brother said: "No, no, it'll be dry" in a drunken mumble.

8:16am- Phone did not go off, but I managed to wake up close enough to when I wanted to. Touched every piece of clothing. AGAIN to my horror, everything was still damp.

9:00ish - Inform mom, who was awake, about the dryer issue.

After this point I didn't keep track of times, but we ended up hanging most of the laundry off the front porch. And the dryer has yet to be fixed.

Anyway. Fun time. Here is a picture of our awesomeness:

Here's a picture of me with an iTouch-stache:

Bless your face. Peace off.