Sssham's blog: I, somehow, forgot Narnia

There are few parts of my body right now that don't hurt. I don't think I've ever been so ache and stiff in my life.

Carried a few more boxes over to the new apartment. My room is void of pretty much everything except, for some reason, I forgot to take down my Narnia poster off my door.

I know before in a previous blog, I talked about not getting excited about college, and, in fact, not having any real emotions at all. It seems that my lack of emotion have caught up to me, and I've found myself crying numerous times today, and not all for the same reason.

I've found that I'm feeling very much like Esther describes in this video, in which she is overwhelmed by tons of emotions. So, in honor of Esther, and by her advice, I thought I would write here, some of my feelings:

I'm feeling nervous to start college tomorrow.

I'm feeling scared that I'll be in a new place, that I won't make many friends.

I'm feeling scared that I'll suck at the only thing I thought I was good at.

I'm feeling scared that I won't like it there and want to go home.

I'm feeling scared that all my friends are going to enjoy college and that maybe I won't.

I'm feeling annoyed at all of my future classmates for posting about how excited they are.

I'm feeling sad that I'm leaving.

I'm feeling sad that I'll never sleep in this bedroom ever again because my mom's moving.

I'm feeling sad that this is the last time I'll spend in this house.

I'm feeling anger at myself for having so many material possessions, and being so shallow.

I'm feeling anger at the fact that I've had to spend my last few days here packing up everything I own and moving it somewhere else.

I'm feeling anger towards Walmart for charging my mom more for the blank CD's even though the sign said they were on sale.

I'm feeling guilty that I'm leaving my mom.

I'm feeling guilty that I'm leaving my mom with a bunch more stuff to move.

I'm feeling confused.

I find myself laughing one minute and then balling my eyes out the next. And I know that some of these emotions are coming from hormones, which another reason to get pissed. I find watch Toby Turner and Daddy Day Care makes me feel better, but whenever I turn on the radio every song seems to evoke too many sad emotions.

I know I should have more to say, and I probably do, but they sentences aren't forming right.

Heading out around 8:30am tomorrow.